First date? Red flags you shouldn’t ignore (but probably will)

A first date is like a tiny stage performance. Both people are trying to put their best foot forward—dressed well, choosing their words carefully, and turning up the charm. Between the jokes, food, and personal stories, you’re wondering: Could this be something real?But in the swirl of all that newness, it’s easy to miss subtle red flags—little things that seem harmless but hint at something deeper.

Especially when the chemistry feels strong, our hearts often convince us to ignore the signs our gut is trying to point out.Here are some red flags you shouldn’t ignore, even if you’re tempted to look the other way.

They only talk about themselves

Talking about yourself on a first date is natural. But if your date dominates the entire conversation, doesn’t ask you a single question, or constantly interrupts when you try to speak—it’s a bad sign. Relationships are a two-way street. If they can’t make space for your voice now, will they ever?

They’re rude to the staff

Pay close attention to how they treat waiters, receptionists, or anyone else during the date.

Do they say “thank you”? Are they polite or snappy? Someone who’s kind to you but dismissive or rude to others may not be showing their true colors. Kindness should be a habit, not a performance.

They keep bringing up their ex

A brief mention of an ex is completely normal—everyone has a past. But if they spend most of the date ranting about, comparing you to, or even praising their ex, it could mean they’re not emotionally available. If their attention is still on the past, they might not be looking for something real in the present.

Their jokes make you uncomfortable

Humor is personal. But if your date’s jokes are sexist, racist, cruel, or just make you feel weird—and they brush it off with, “I’m just kidding”—that’s a red flag. Jokes often reflect beliefs. If their idea of humor doesn’t sit right with you, it’s okay to question it.

They rush the connection

It might feel flattering at first if they call you their “soulmate” or start talking about living together after just one date. But moving too fast can be a form of love-bombing—giving too much attention too soon, which can later turn into control or manipulation.

A genuine connection takes time to grow.

Their compliments are... strange

Some compliments come with a weird undertone. Things like, “You’re not like other girls,” or “You’re smart for someone who didn’t go to college.” These are often disguised put-downs or ways to subtly establish control. Real compliments make you feel seen and appreciated—not compared or undermined.

Something just feels off

This might be the most important one. Even if nothing seems technically wrong, but your gut is whispering, something's not right—listen to it.

Our bodies often know what our brains haven’t figured out yet. Trust your instincts if you feel uneasy, even if everything looks good on paper.

Why these red flags matter

It’s easy to overlook these signs because we want the date to go well. We crave connection, affection, and the hope of something lasting. That’s human. But red flags aren’t just random quirks—they’re often early signs of patterns that could repeat.You’re not being “too picky” by noticing them.

You’re not overthinking. You’re just staying aware of what kind of relationship you want—and what you're not willing to tolerate.First dates aren’t tests you have to pass. They’re also auditions for the other person. You have the right to walk away if something feels off, even if the food was amazing and they made you laugh.Because the first red flag you ignore might just be the first of many.