How to know if your child is being bullied in school

Bullying in schools is not always obvious hence, many children suffer in silence either because they fear retaliation, feel ashamed or don’t know how to express what they are going through.

For parents, the challenge lies in recognising the subtle signs before the problem escalates.Understanding how bullying manifests can help you intervene early and give your child the emotional support and protection they need. Bullying leaves scars that go beyond the classroom and affects children’s emotional, physical and academic development. By staying alert to mood shifts, physical complaints, avoidance patterns and other subtle signs, parents can step in early.

Changes in mood and behaviour

One of the earliest red flags is a sudden shift in your child’s emotional state. A usually cheerful child may become withdrawn, anxious or irritable. They may show increased sensitivity, cry more often, or have frequent temper outbursts at home. According to a 2018 study published in the Journal of School Violence, children who experience bullying often report heightened symptoms of depression, anxiety and social withdrawal, sometimes mimicking other mental health challenges.

Declining academic performance

Bullying affects concentration, motivation and overall engagement in school. If your child’s grades suddenly drop or they seem disinterested in homework and class activities, it could be a signal that they are under stress. A 2017 study in Child and Adolescent Psychiatry and Mental Health found that bullying was significantly correlated with lower academic achievement, largely due to disrupted focus and emotional distress.

Physical complaints without clear cause

Bullying often manifests through physical symptoms. Children may complain of frequent stomach aches, headaches or feeling unwell right before school. In some cases, they may even fake illness to avoid going. As per a 2016 research paper in the Journal of Pediatric Psychology, bullied children are more likely to present with psychosomatic complaints, without any underlying medical explanation because stress and fear translate into physical discomfort.

Avoidance of school or social activities

Was your child once social but now suddenly refuses to attend school events, avoids playdates or expresses fear of riding the bus? They may also take unusual routes home or insist on being picked up earlier and the reason was established by a 2015 study in the American Journal of Public Health, which reported that absenteeism and school avoidance are common outcomes of bullying, as children try to escape the environment where mistreatment occurs.

Unexplained injuries or lost belongings

Scratches, bruises or torn clothes without a convincing explanation can be a cause for concern or if your child frequently loses books, lunch money or personal items, know that it might be due to bullying. Researchers in a 2019 study in the Journal of Interpersonal Violence noted that physical and material signs often accompany peer victimisation, though children may downplay or deny their causes out of fear.

Shifts in sleep and eating patterns

Nightmares, difficulty in sleeping or sudden changes in appetite can also indicate underlying stress. Some children may eat less due to anxiety, while others may turn to food for comfort. A 2020 study published in Sleep Medicine found a strong link between bullying victimisation and sleep disturbances, particularly nightmares and insomnia, which further impact mental health and daily functioning.

Reluctance to talk about friends or school

If your child becomes vague or evasive when asked about their school day or friends, this could be a sign that they are hiding something painful. They might say they “don’t have any friends” or avoid discussing recess, lunch breaks or other unstructured times when bullying often occurs.

What parents can do

Remember, silence does not mean safety. A proactive and compassionate approach can help ensure that your child feels secure, valued and supported at school and beyond.