Tired of tantrums? Try these 7 parenting shifts that actually work

The modern world is undergoing significant changes and while these changes are for the best, we cannot undermine the fact that they have raised some serious concerns at the same time.

This especially holds true when it comes to parenting. Parents nowadays are juggling between timelines and at the same time they are on a constant quest of raising emotionally and mentally strong kids.Studies have shown that children who are emotionally stable and have better control over their emotions can reach milestones in social and emotional development. Such kids have strong social skills and simultaneously perform better at school and enjoy strong bond with their peers. A study by University of Sydney’s ParentWorks intervention, detailed in The Conversation, established that offering immediate, relationship-based rewards like attention or praise, following good behaviours, can disrupt tantrum cycles.This is because it reinforces what kids should do, fostering positive cycles rather than inadvertently rewarding misbehaviour. Avoid screen distractions because they impair self-control or so Frontiers in Child and Adolescent Psychiatry study (Konok et al., 2024) claimed as it was found that relying on digital devices as calming tools (digital pacifiers) may lead to poorer anger control and less effortful self-regulation a year later.

This is because emotional coping requires guided practice, not appeasement via screens.

As per PMC – Behavioral Interventions for Anger, Irritability and Aggression, Parent Management Training (PMT) Techniques focused on positive reinforcement, ignoring attention-seeking tantrums and consistent consequences, has been validated across 100+ randomised controlled studies and shows sustained improvements.

The researchers found that PMT aims to reduce the child's aggression by improving parental competence, giving praise for appropriate behaviour, ignoring maladaptive attention-seeking behaviour and using consistent consequences.

Structured behaviour-shaping strategies help break tantrum patterns and support emotional growth.In an interview with TOI, Dr Archika Didi, PhD in Meditation and Yogic Science and Vice Chairperson of Vishwa Jagriti Mission, explained how small daily changes can lead to long-term results and move from tear-filled chaos to calmer, emotionally resonant routines that empower both parent and child in everyday life.

Self-parenting in managing your reactions

Start leading by example. Following the practice of self-parenting can be helpful. Once you learn to manage your reactions and control your emotions, it will help you calm down and engage with your kids peacefully. Instead of coming home tired and frustrated, give yourself some time to ease out from the stress of office and then enter the house. This will prevent strong display of emotion in the house, also you will be able to answer your kid’s concerns calmly.

Validate the feeling, not always the behaviour

Children, especially when young, are ruled by their emotions. When your child is upset, the instinct may be to correct their behaviour immediately. A more effective habit is to first validate their underlying feeling. Simple phrases like, "I can see you are outraged that playtime is over," or "It's disappointing when we can't have what we want, isn't it?" create a powerful connection. This doesn't mean you condone hitting or screaming.

It means you see their inner world, which makes them feel safe and understood, and more receptive to guidance on their behaviour.

Create intentional moments of quiet

Our world is saturated with noise and overstimulation. A crucial habit for mental well-being is to intentionally create pockets of quiet in your child's day. This could be five minutes of silent car rides, a 'no-devices' period after school, or simply sitting together and watching the clouds.

These moments of stillness help reduce sensory overload and teach children to be comfortable with their own thoughts, fostering focus and inner calm.

Nurture their expression beyond words

Get creative while helping your kids to express their thoughts and emotions. Channelising their feelings in the right direction is essential. Engaging in creative activities such as pottery making, painting, and sketching can be beneficial. This provides a healthy outlet and reinforces the message that all emotions are valid and can be processed constructively.

Share stories of great personalities

Habits form the nature of an individual. To instil positive traits, make it a daily or weekly habit to tell stories about great personalities. Reading books is yet another way to make them aware about the real-world heroes, their positive traits that helped them become so. Stories have a strong impact, and starting this at an early age will make the kids keener to learn and adopt virtues like courage, kindness, and integrity within their developing samskara.

Connect before you correct

When a child is in the midst of a tantrum, their logical brain is offline. In these moments, attempting to lecture or discipline is futile. A more effective habit is to "connect before you correct." This means getting down to their level, offering a hug or a calm presence, and helping them co-regulate their emotions. Once they are calm, their brain is ready to learn, and you can then discuss what happened and what could be done differently next time.

Name and tame the 'brain-bully'

Teach your child that they are not their thoughts. A simple way to do this is to personify negative or anxious thoughts as a "Worry Monster" or a "Brain-Bully." When your child expresses a fear or a negative self-perception, you can say, "That sounds like the Worry Monster talking. What can we say back to it?" This habit creates a slight separation between your child and their thoughts, empowering them with the understanding that they can control their brain and choose which thoughts to believe.Adopting these habits in your daily life will not only help you evolve and become a better human being, but it will also set an example for your kids, making you their inspiration and motivation.