Understanding your stubborn child: 8 positive parenting tips that work

Parenting is not easy, especially when a child’s simple wish turns into a tantrum and they continue to cry and howl until their demand is fulfilled. This leads to stubbornness and sometimes it also gives birth to a feeling in them that if they cry or howl, they will get what they want.

Parenting comes with a great responsibility of shaping a child's development.In an interview with TOI, Sasmita Mohanty, Director of Sanjay Ghodawat International School, shared, "No matter what, parents get blamed for their behaviour - they will be accused of spoiling their child if they fulfil their wishes. They will be labelled as heartless or uncaring when they try not to do so. If left unnoticed, constant stubbornness can lead to mental health issues such as difficulty in controlling emotions, anxiety and feelings of frustration.

Yet, parents have the key to unlock these behavioural patterns and turn them into a boon rather than a problem or issue."

“Children should be seen, not heard” - this is not just a proverb but a way parents and educators must adhere to. Naman Jain, Education Policy Expert and Vice Chairman at Silverline Prestige School, advised, "The parents must be mindful of how their child is behaving. The change in pattern says a lot about what bothers them truly.

You need to see through them to handle them and master yourself in making things right. Parents are the first teacher a child gets, and they play a big role in shaping their mindset.

Sympathise with your child’s distress and don't let their stubbornness take over because of your minor negligence."These 8 parenting tips can help parents navigate the challenges of understanding a stubborn child and create a supportive environment for them.

1. Ask what is the root cause

Parents often struggle to understand their children's stubbornness, especially when it comes to completing homework or attending school. This situation is not new; many children refuse to listen and there can be various reasons behind this. There is a need to approach this situation with empathy instead of forcing them or reacting. This can be done easily by asking a simple question to yourself, "What is the root cause?" Parents need to ask their child about how they are feeling or questions like, “Are you feeling too tired after school?” or “Is everything fine at school?" This opens the door for meaningful conversations.

Conversation is the key; it will help you unlock the pattern, as understanding not only validates a child’s feelings but also fosters a sense of being listened to.

2. Show empathy and address their feelings

Rather than arguing over disagreements and seeing it as a battle, parents can empathetically give a space where children can express their feelings and words openly. By showing empathy and addressing their needs, feelings and behaviours, parents can not only empower children but also teach them valuable communication skills.

Spend time with your children and focus on cooperation rather than conflict; this can help in building stronger relationships with them.

Creating an atmosphere of mutual respect, empathy, and care can lead to healthier discussions and a better understanding between parents and their children.

3. Stay calm and patient: Never shut them down with your anger

Children often get silent or stop asking for things because of your anger, but that will not solve the issue; it will make it worse.

Staying calm and patient when your child is throwing tantrums or being stubborn can make a big difference. As we all know, children learn from their parents and surroundings; this kind of attitude towards them can set a positive example for handling arguments or change the way they respond as well.

Calmness can mitigate tense situations, making it easier for everyone to navigate challenges together. Patience in parents is one of the ultimate approaches to deal with conflicts with maturity and understanding.

Nowadays, in a world where stress and pressure on parents are high, prioritising calmness while talking to children not only benefits the connection but also contributes to a more peaceful family.

4. Show them their achievements matter

While it may sound like it’s not a big deal, recognising and celebrating your child’s achievements, no matter how small, is a powerful tool in parenting. Many parents sometimes unknowingly forget to show their child that they have done well.

When parents take the time to applaud their child’s successes, it boosts their self-esteem and encourages a positive attitude towards completing tasks, like homework or getting ready for school by themselves, completing their breakfast and many such instances.

This encourages a sense of accomplishment and motivation for them, creating a supportive environment that nurtures growth and development. When children feel more valued and recognised, they are more likely to engage willingly and approach challenges with enthusiasm and excitement.

5. Set clear boundaries

The parents must set clear boundaries for their children. Be consistent about the consequences and rewards. When parents communicate openly with their children about the expectations, problems and what the consequences will be, they are more likely to fulfil them. Parents should create an environment where children feel appreciated, safe, and know their responsibilities and boundaries. This transparency can make them realise their goals and help them achieve them.

6. Offer choices: Do not say ‘yes’ to everything

Striking the right balance between when to say yes or what to provide, parents can effectively navigate the stubbornness of a child. You can offer them choices to avoid monotony or boredom, but saying yes to everything can change the game; saying no doesn’t mean the children are deprived. It is very important to fulfil the necessary demands of your children according to the situation. However, when you say yes to everything whenever they cry or refuse to do something, this can create a pattern that may be hard to manage later.

This doesn’t mean you should become a "no" parent, as consistently saying no to everything can create a negative mindset. It’s essential to understand the difference between needs and wants and offer them choices. By presenting options within reasonable boundaries, parents can create a sense of excitement and happiness.

7. Discipline doesn’t mean punishment

If you think that you can manage them or teach them discipline through punishment, then you should understand that discipline doesn't come with punishments.

Parents should understand that constant punishment can backfire and make a child more angry, aggressive and stubborn. It can develop feelings such as resentment or rebellion in them. Parents must find more supportive and positive approaches to help their child understand the consequences of their actions.

Show them how to manage anger and frustration, and help them make decisions.

8. Make a Special Bond: Work and Play with Them

Before becoming their mother/father, be their friend and create a special bond where they feel safe, heard and loved. You can navigate stubbornness with kindness and love, and by spending some quality time with them, you can do wonders. Help them with homework, read storybooks, do painting, or play their favourite games to understand their choices. In today’s fast-paced era, this is the most important thing to consider while understanding your child.