Can we really create our own happiness?

After coming home from a long and hectic day from work place, my kids wrapped around me and insisted to have a shoulder ride. At first glance, it seemed to be a deadly task after a long-edged work day and of course with their growing age.

But still somehow, I bowed down to their request and played with them for almost half an hour with no physiological pain or any mental stress hanging around me. For me, that was a moment of complete natural happiness. Similarly for others, it may be a shopping sight, having a party with your fellow- members, scrolling through social media, going out for a movie, listening soft/ loud music, spending time with your friend over a cricket match, getting your dream job or marrying to a person of your choice; each person is well versed with the thought of happiness and what brings that happiness for them.

From an academic lens view too, the two distinct approaches towards happiness, that is, eudaimonic happiness and hedonic happiness hold their unique pathways. Where eudaimonic happiness is purpose driven, and well-defined pursuit of a virtue and hedonic happiness is seeking for momentary pleasures and enjoyments.In all the above circumstances, the happiness is the outcome of achieving some desired outcome from a secondary object. It is been outwardly pulled off. But in practical life, there may be the circumstances devoid of stimulants providing you that happiness. I recall of a famous quote “life is not a bed of roses”, but also a plethora of uninvited and unexpected adversities too. In such circumstances, how to carve our own happiness? What is the way-out that could help the individuals to synthesis their own happiness?A big appreciation to the work of Prof. Daniel Gilbert, American Socio- Psychologist, who introduced the concept of ‘Synthetic Happiness’, where one is the creator of its own happiness.

Synthetic happiness is not a fake, prejudiced, pseudo, or assumed happiness but is as authentic as natural happiness, secreting same neurotransmitters, according to the literature of neuroscientific studies.

Some of the tools to synthesize our own happiness are listed below:

1. Regular exposure to sunlight: Studies have shown that direct regular exposure of early morning sunlight to one’s eyes from 5-20 minutes work as a catalyst in enhancing happiness windows.2. Maintaining healthy lifestyle: An individual can contribute significantly towards its happiness by investing into balanced nutritious diet, sleep hygiene patterns, regular exercise routines and NSDR (Non-Sleep Deep Rest) activities.

The NSDR could look different for each individual. For one, it could be a nature walk, for other individual it could be a meditation practice and for any other it could be just gazing at sky.

Basically, any activity done in wakeful conditions but imparting a sense of relaxation come under the domain of NSDR.3. Practicing pro- social behaviour: The pro- social behaviour could be any selfless behaviour with an intention to help others without expecting anything in return, for example, helping your neighbour with a baby- sitting or helping someone unknown to buy the medicine or helping your friend in his studies.

All the actions done under the altruistic behaviour have been shown tending towards the higher happiness index in various research studies done across the world.

In Indian culture there is a well-known concept of ‘dashmesh’, where individual donates ten percent of his income voluntarily, without expecting anything in return. 4. Quality social relationships: Spending quality time among your family members and loved ones seem to have a direct impact on one’s happiness quotient but studies have also shown that even trivial talks among known faces in the park, at the workplace or any social gathering significantly trigger the emotional circuitry of the brain producing happy hormones.5. Pet care: In case, you tend to have a natural inclination towards the animals, having a pet at your home tend to increase in both physical and emotional wellbeing of individual. Studies have shown that a physical contact with your pet effect in human’s pro- happiness neurons.6. Playing certain kind of music: Studies have shown that listening to the music with binaural beats alpha waves help in secreting neurotransmitters responsible for individual’s happiness.

7. Creating visual/ aesthetic environment: Carving out a visual space of your taste, may be having a wall paper of your choice, having an aquarium at your living place, or, even decluttering at regular intervals helps the individual in building up an aesthetic environment further paving a way for happy hormone secretion.8. Practicing gratitude and forgiveness: Studies done in mental health and sleep domain have revealed that the gratitude journaling done before just going to bed help the individual to gain mental well-being and sound sleep, which itself contribute directly towards one’s happiness.

Gratitude for having a strong physical body, healthy relations around us, and gratitude to Universe for beholding us have shown a significant movement in neurotransmitters responsible for contentment.

And forgiveness is not accepting the wrong deeds done against you, but the power to let go off the negativity surmounted around the wrong actions done against us. The feeling of grudges or revenge in response to unfairness occurred to you robs you off from the brain functions regulating affect.9. Acknowledging and celebrating wins, no matter how small: Is happiness only the end product of achieving your dream job or marrying your romantic partner? Or it can be conceived even after learning a new dance move, or arranging your cupboard, or serving a new recipe tried at home kitchen? Probably, it is the cultural setting, where we are reminded of our flaws frequently but not the achievements. There is a blindness towards our own strengths, and we can unfold it by honouring them.10. Embracing positivity and positive people around you: With the result of research findings, emotions are infectious, and when one is midst of positivity, it helps the regulations of happy hormones in that individual too.11. A regular check on one’s inner dialogue: We are the outcome of our own thought process. We grab the persona of the narrative that we set for ourselves. To build up the inner happiness, one will have to create a joyous internal harmony.In case of distress, one can build up happiness around him with the help of either of suggested means. Elaborating all above tools at one glace does not indicate towards owing them all during torment times, but just to adopt two to four strategies out of elaborated tool box can help the individual towards synthesizing its happiness. Having said that, we all know what makes us happy within the defined social norms, and we can create that happiness, provided we carve out the time for the activities that help us to attain our happiness! By Dr Meenakshi Girdhar, positive psychology coach