"Choosing to stay unmarried was scary, but..." This 43-year-old woman's story makes us question the need for marriage

In Indian households, marriage is often seen as an ultimate goal for women. While growing up, they are taught to study well, get a good job and eventually get married. Questions start early, pressure slowly builds, and saying ‘No’ is a big no.

But what happens when a woman decides to choose herself instead? For 43-year-old Mandeep Kaur, it was not just about staying unmarried. It was about choosing freedom, dreams and a life where she did not need anyone’s ‘permission’ to be herself.

Born into a typical middle-class conservative Sikh family in Punjab, Mandeep is the eldest daughter in her family. She grew up between Punjab and Himachal Pradesh. Like many, marriage conversations were not a matter of ‘if’, but ‘when’.

As she entered her mid-twenties, the pressure slowly started building. “I was around 25-26 at that time and not very sure about getting married. But I also did not have the courage to tell that to my parents,” she says. To buy some time, they created a profile on a matrimonial site and Mandeep started meeting her potential matches.At the time, she was working in aviation as an international cabin crew member. “Nobody wanted an air hostess.

Almost all of them wanted me to quit my job after marriage or before marriage because they did not want an air hostess in the family,” she shares.

But it was not just about changing jobs. Mandeep says there were so many rules, expectations around responsibilities, cooking, fitting into a certain role. “And I think what really hit me was that not a single person asked me about my hopes, dreams, career, ambitions. What did I want?” A lot of them would say words like, ‘We will allow you to work,’ ‘We will permit you to wear western clothes.’

to her. One particular word stayed with her. “I remember thinking about that word- permission. And I realized that I did not want to live a life based on permission,” she says.Over the course of a year, after meeting seven to eight potential matches, all the confusion she had around marriage went away.I realised that in this deeply patriarchal setup, this life was not going to work for me. I was career-oriented. I had dreams.

The choice to stay unmarried was a scary decision for her. “But I had to make it.” But if making the choice was difficult, living with it in India came with its own challenges.“I cannot even express in words how difficult it is to be an unmarried woman in India.”Mandeep says the questions started appearing in her late 20s, but by her 30s they became impossible to ignore.“The comments, remarks, questions, non-stop questions, the harassment, bullying, the advice, the lectures, everything,” she says.The questions were not just limited to family members or relatives. “Even random strangers would start questioning you. People start lecturing you, giving opinions about your life.”And according to her, age did not make those questions disappear. “I'm 43 today and I can tell you that the questions have not stopped and I don't think it's ever going to stop.”But for her, this journey has really been about finding her inner strength.

She says her 40s brought a different kind of confidence. “Today I stand here much stronger, more confident. I have learnt to shut the noises out.”After spending 15 years in aviation, Mandeep left the industry in 2017. A year later, she became a yoga teacher and life coach.

Today, much of her peace comes from the routine she has consciously built around herself. “Movement, workout, going to the gym, my yoga practice, meditation, spending time in nature, eating healthy, creating quiet moments for myself have helped me stay grounded,” she says.

She describes these habits that give her structure, clarity, emotional balance and inner peace. For her, happiness was never only about relationships or external milestones.

“A lot of it comes from how connected you are to yourself on a day-to-day basis.”Her story is not just about remaining unmarried. It is about choosing a life that feels authentic. And if she had one message for women walking a similar path, it would be this: “Be absolutely unapologetic about choosing yourself.

This is your life. And do not let anybody ever dim your light.”’Today, she is really active in the social space. Many of her Instagram Reels related to loving single life have garnered millions of views. This is her story- A 43-year-old woman in India who never married, lives alone and is single by choice.Images Courtesy: Mandeep Kaur