‘Kajol had a very bad temper’: Tanishaa Mukerji on childhood fights with sister and how their mother’s intervention helped shift the dynamic

Like many siblings, their relationship evolved, shifting from childhood conflicts to mutual support and admiration. 

How does a significant physical or age difference between siblings impact their childhood and long-term relationship?

A significant physical or age difference between siblings can shape their childhood interactions and long-term relationships in fascinating ways.

Gurleen Baruah, existential psychotherapist at That Culture Thing, says, “At a primal level, humans — like many animals — are wired to perceive size as a marker of dominance or power. A large predator in the wild is intimidating, and this ingrained instinct can carry over into sibling dynamics. Suppose one sibling is significantly bigger or older. In that case, an unspoken hierarchy may naturally develop, where the younger or smaller sibling sees them as a figure of authority, sometimes even as someone to fear or appease.”

From a child psychology perspective, she adds that this can lead to different bonding patterns. The younger sibling might develop deference or admiration, feeling a mix of intimidation and hero worship. “On the flip side, the older sibling might take on a protector or disciplinarian role, sometimes blurring the lines between playful teasing and outright dominance,” states Baruah. 

During the teenage years, this dynamic can intensify. Adolescents are wired for independence and identity formation, meaning the younger sibling might start pushing back against this “natural hierarchy,” leading to conflicts and power struggles. Baruah notes that relationships tend to recalibrate over time as physical and psychological gaps even out. 

Some practical ways parents can manage strong sibling dynamics

Parents play a crucial role in shaping sibling dynamics, stresses Baruah, and how they handle conflicts can determine whether rivalry turns into lifelong support or lingering resentment. One of the biggest mistakes is taking favourites — even subtly praising one child more can create feelings of competition and unfairness. Avoid giving confused messages where one child feels like they always have to give in just because they’re older or the younger one gets away with everything. Don’t triangulate siblings — forcing them to mediate through you or pitting them against each other only deepens conflicts. 

Baruah continues, “Treat them all as equals, recognising their unique strengths rather than making comparisons. Encourage independent conflict resolution — let them handle their disagreements instead of always stepping in, but intervene when things escalate beyond healthy arguments.”