Michelle Obama delivers tough dating warning to women: ‘Don’t come to the rescue’ of struggling boyfriends

Thirty-four years of marriage, including two terms in the White House, have shaped how Michelle Obama talks about relationships. Having navigated private struggles and very public pressure alongside Barack Obama, the former First Lady says experience has taught her one thing: don’t rush the serious stuff.On a recent Q&A episode of her podcast “IMO”, which she co-hosts with her brother Craig Robinson, the former First Lady responded to a listener who asked about letting her boyfriend of one year move into her apartment. The woman explained that his lease was ending and he could only contribute $500 toward the monthly rent, asking how to handle “an early relationship with uneven financial footing.”Obama’s response shifted the focus away from money and toward timing.

“You shouldn't be moving in”

She began by making clear that income differences alone are not necessarily a dealbreaker. “I don't think that it's necessary for two people to be financial equals to build a relationship,” she said, noting that dating and building a connection can happen without equal paychecks.But she drew a firm boundary around cohabitation.“If it's early in the relationship, you shouldn't be moving in. First of all, I don't care how much money he has or doesn't have, like you don't know him yet, right?”

Living together, she suggested, adds layers of complication that many couples aren’t ready for in the early stages. What if you later discover “he lied about something” or realize “he is different from who you thought he is”? Once someone becomes a subletter or signs onto a lease, she pointed out, disentangling things becomes far more difficult.“Why on earth would anybody think to do that early in a relationship? … Wait, wait a couple of years,” she advised.She also warned against stepping into a financial savior role. If someone is moving in because they “can't afford to live anywhere else,” Obama said she would question how they reached that position. “Don't come to the rescue,” she added.

“Time reveals so much”

Obama broadened her answer to the nature of love itself. While acknowledging that intense feelings can develop quickly, she distinguished between instant attraction and lasting commitment.“I think you can have deep like at first sight, but love to me in most instances… it takes time to fully have somebody reveal themselves to you over time to know whether or not your affections and your feelings stand the test of time.”She encouraged couples to experience real-life tests together before making major decisions, traveling somewhere unfamiliar, navigating stressful situations, and observing how a partner interacts with family. Seeing someone during the holidays or on a difficult trip abroad, she suggested, can reveal important dynamics.Though she acknowledged there are exceptions, couples who move quickly and stay together for decades, her guidance was consistent: “Take some time. Make moving in like way down the line.”