Not gifts, not surprises! THIS is what makes strengthens couples’ bond

You think keeping the spark alive is the secret to a long marriage, or a romantic relationship? Guess, what? It’s not. Not at least according to science. A romantic relationship lasts not because you surprised you partner with a lavish getaway or a expensive piece of jewellery.

It may last only if your savor the pleasurable moments. A recent study by researchers at the University of Illinois Urbana-Champaign found that couples who spend more time savoring the pleasurable moments they share are happier together. Such couples argue less and are more confident their relationship will last. The study is published in the journal Contemporary Family Therapy.“Savoring involves slowing down to become aware of and focus on positive experiences.

Savoring can occur when we reminisce on a past experience, focus on the present moment or look ahead to a future experience,” said first author Noah Larsen, a graduate student at Illinois.

How does savoring positive experiences strengthen relationships?

Though prior research has found that savoring good moments offers many benefits for individuals, the researchers wanted to explore it as a joint interpersonal activity that occurs between romantic partners. The participants in this study were part of a larger research project that explored resilience in romantic relationships.

The researchers collected data from a nationwide sample of 589 people via an online survey, where participants were asked how often they and their romantic partners savored positive experiences in their relationship. The survey used a scale, called Joint Savoring in Romantic Relationships, to measure how people savored experiences. The survey also had tools that measured how satisfied participants were with their relationship with their spouse or significant other, their levels of communication conflict and their confidence that the relationship would last.The researchers also measured the participants’ perceived stress levels, such as how often in the past month they felt on top of things or, conversely, that they could not cope with all the things they needed to do. The participants were also asked to rate their quality of life, general health and levels of psychological distress.Out of these 589 participants, more than 85% were married, about 10% were engaged and 4% were in a committed dating relationship.

Their partners were not part of the study. The average age of the participants was about 39 years. More than half of the participants were female, more than 85% were white, and the participants had an average household income of $85,000 to $95,000, according to the study.“We found that joint savoring has the most benefits for romantic relationships, as well as secondary benefits for individuals’ health and well-being.

Specifically, individuals who engaged in more joint savoring with their partners reported less conflict with them, more satisfaction with their relationship and more confidence in their future together,” Larsen said. They also found that joint savoring had positive effects on couples experiencing high stress levels. “When couples face greater stress, savoring can serve as a buffer, helping protect their confidence in their relationship and their mental health.

Being able to identify factors that provide this type of buffering effect is important for marriage and romantic relationships, as they provide tangible things that couples can do to keep their relationship strong, even in the midst of heightened levels of stress,” explained Allen W.

Barton, co-author and Illinois human development and family studies professor.

A practical strategy for modern relationship

This study offers insights on how to nurture a lasting relationship.

The researchers noted that focusing on the positive experiences shared with our partners can be a relationship maintenance or enhancement strategy. “We all are busy and have so many things going on in our day-to-day lives,” Larsen said. “Finding time — even just once a week — to slow down, be present with your partner and talk about positive experiences in your relationship or focus on something you both enjoy can really benefit you as a couple.

That might be reminiscing about a memory from earlier in your relationship, enjoying a dinner together or talking about an upcoming event that you both are excited about. And if you are going through a stressful time, making time for these conversations can be especially important,” they said.