Raising mentally resilient children starts with small choices

Talking about mental health is no longer considered a taboo. Parents, teachers, and guardians are now opting to have such discussions at an early age, and that is a very positive thing.Children are exposed to a competitive world at a faster rate. The overstimulation, screen time, peer pressure, and social comparison are appearing earlier than ever. Therefore, although mental health needs to be discussed, the question is when. The solution is easy: the sooner the better.

The foundational years are a critical part of child development and that’s when emotional foundations are laid. A child who learns to name, process and regulate feelings at an early age will be much better off as an adult compared to an academically strong child who is emotionally unprepared.

Emotional quotient and resilience are not in-born personality traits of children. They are competencies and it is important to develop early.

1. Developing a broad emotional vocabulary

Children cannot handle emotions they cannot name. The emotional vocabulary of most children is quite limited: happy, sad, angry. But the emotional world is far richer than that, and children feel that complexity long before they have words for it.Start early. Use terms such as frustrated, overwhelmed, embarrassed, proud, anxious and disappointed in daily conversations.

Once your child is angry, speak it aloud. When children have language for what they feel, they are far less likely to act it out and far more likely to work through it.Surprisingly, puppetry, books and storytelling are effective means of this. When a child observes a character experiencing something and calls it, he silently starts to do the same.

2. Unstructured play is to be respected

Free play is truly one of the best things that a child can engage in. It develops self-sufficiency, educates on decision-making, and assists children to learn to sit with disappointment independently.Children lose the ability to learn how to self-regulate when they are busy. They start to depend on others to become calm and confident, and they miss the opportunity to work out things independently.Boredom is not a problem to be fixed. It is where creativity begins. It is also where children make sense of their day and sort out their feelings. Allow them to get bored occasionally. You need not fill all the gaps.

3. Create a safe environment for your child to live in

The emotional wellbeing of a child can only be as strong as the relationships surrounding him or her.

Children feel safe when they are consistently loved and attended to. That safety becomes their anchor through every challenge they face.This does not have to be big. It requires presence. Put the phone down. Sit on the floor. Go with them, at least fifteen minutes a day, complete undivided attention. Children do not need perfect caregivers. They require present ones that appear, fix when they fail, and make their child feel really noticed.

4. Establish a journaling practice

Children are able to draw, scribble or dictate before they can write. Reflecting on the day, placing their feelings somewhere outside of them, is one of the most effective instruments in emotional health.An easy routine is effective. At the end of the day, asking: what was a good thing that happend today? This eventually creates a habit of reflection and educates children that their inner world is important and needs to be given attention.

That in itself is a kind of self-respect.

5. Promote problem-solving rather than over-protection

The instinct to protect children is natural. The tendency to be over-protective is insidious. When adults rush to fix every problem, children absorb a message they were never meant to receive: that they are not capable.The transition is not a complex one, yet it is not always simple, either. Wait and then intervene. Ask instead of answer. What do you think you could do? is even better than a pre-existing solution.

Children left to pull themselves along, and to discover their own path, develop a self-confidence which even praise cannot create.

6. Leave nature to its nature

A growing body of research demonstrates that time spent in nature reduces cortisol, enhances attention, and restores emotional balance in children. Most parents who have watched a child play freely outdoors already know this instinctively.Mud and water and leaves and open sky, these are not mere sensual experiences.

They are regulating ones. A child who plays outside frequently is more stable, less anxious and more attentive than one who does not. A walk, with no purpose in mind, no screen or podcast, is more to a young nervous system than most interventions ever.

7. Model emotional health

Children do not say what we say. They do what they observe. It is an opportunity and a responsibility.When adults openly name their own feelings, apologise and demonstrate to children how they pick themselves up after a bad day, children learn.

Not immediately, and not dramatically. But steadily.This one habit contains more emotional control than any lesson plan could impart.The adults surrounding a child are the first and the longest lasting example of what it is like to be a human being in this world. It is good to be mindful of what that will look like.

8. Be a person to the child

Listening develops a sense of self in a child. A healthy sense of self is the most valuable safeguards to mental health, period.That means not dismissing feelings, even the ones that seem out of proportion. It means not comparing children to their siblings or peers. It includes sincerely requesting their feedback on minor matters and taking it into account. It involves considering their viewpoint as legitimate, even when it is not similar to yours.Respect develops a relationship where integrity is molded. That matters more than almost anything else.

9. Provide them with a single creative outlet and protect it

It is not about art, music, dance, clay or cooking. It is important that a child has a place to put what words cannot always say.Emotional release comes in another form i.e.,creative expression. It does not have to be organized or competency-based. It does not have to create something to be proud of. It only has to occur regularly and without strain. A creative outlet is a release valve to a child and every child deserves that.The mental health of a child is not established in the office of a therapist. It has to be constructed in the early years, day by day. It can be in how we respond when a child is upset. What is an example of us when we are in pressure. And the environment we create for them to express themselves. These childhood experiences develop emotional intelligence and strength. The earlier we start the better. And children with strong foundations can face just about anything.Aashna Reddy, Founder & Director, Raising Cubs – Foundational Years School of Learning