Trumpiana: Over the Moon to ‘moon’

Amid the Iran war, Don envisions a monument to himself with a golden escalator and two gold statuesDays after millions of ‘No Kings’ protesters rallied across his fiefdom against his authoritarian streak, King Donald sent four “Brave Astronauts” to the Moon on a covert mission to right royally ‘moon’ the Earthlings.“We are WINNING, in Space, on Earth, and everywhere in between — Economically, Militarily, and now, BEYOND THE STARS,” proclaimed an over the Moon Trump as Artemis II soared into the sky on its awe inspiring journey.“Nobody comes close! America doesn’t just compete, we DOMINATE, and the whole World is watching,” declared the POTUS, who sees the Moon mission as “a ticket to greater goals, and his own legacy,” as a scribe put it.Hours later in a 19-minute primetime nationwide address instead of signaling an end to the war with Iran now in its fifth week, Trump vowed to “hit them extremely hard over the next two to three weeks. …to bring them back to the stone ages, where they belong.”And a day later even as a defiant Iran shot down a US F-15E Strike Eagle fighter jet despite an ultimatum “TO MAKE A DEAL BEFORE IT IS TOO LATE,” Trump blowing hot and cold told NBC that Tehran’s actions wouldn’t negatively affect any negotiations.

“No, not at all,” he said. “No, it’s war.”“With a little more time, we can easily OPEN THE HORMUZ STRAIT, TAKE THE OIL, & MAKE A FORTUNE. IT WOULD BE A “GUSHER” FOR THE WORLD???” claimed Trump earlier on Truth Social before adding cheekily, “KEEP THE OIL, ANYONE?”And as Trump lashed out over European allies’ refusal to “build up some delayed courage, go to the Strait, and just TAKE IT,” with a threat to leave NATO, the alliance chief Mark Rutte, who humors him as “Daddy,” headed to the White House to defuse the situation.Trump then officially requested a record-breaking $1.5 trillion in funding for the Pentagon next fiscal year, including more money for his proposed “Golden Dome” missile defense system, a 7% pay raise for troops and funding for AI military tools. The budget blueprint also calls for $73 billion in reductions to domestic programs.Trump, who campaigned on promises to protect Medicare and address child care costs, said at another event the United States is too big of a country to do so.

“We’re fighting wars. It’s not possible for us to take care of day care, Medicaid, Medicare, all these things,” he said.But Trump himself was in no mood to follow the example of George W. Bush, who gave up golf during the Iraq War, telling NBC, “It’s a form of relaxation. It’s a little exercise, and it takes your mind off things for a couple of hours.”Earlier, in a “HISTORIC,” move Trump attended the “US Supreme Court oral arguments on birthright citizenship, the first sitting president ever to do so,” in the unusual role of a silent observer.But unintimidated by his presence, the now not so friendly judges asked skeptical questions about his executive order that would end birthright citizenship to the children of undocumented immigrants.“We are the only Country in the World STUPID enough to allow ‘Birthright’ Citizenship!” he posted on Truth Social arguing the 14th amendment was about “the BABIES OF SLAVES!” and “not about rich people from China, and the rest of the World.”“The World is getting rich selling citizenships to our Country, while at the same time laughing at how STUPID our US Court System has become (TARIFFS!),” wrote Trump recalling his defeat on his pet economic tool before adding lyrically, “Dumb Judges and Justices will not a great Country make!”And in a firing spree, he sacked the army chief and two other top generals before letting go his attorney general Pam Bondi, “a Great American Patriot and a loyal friend,” for not delivering the Moon — putting the lid on the infamous Epstein files and failing to convict his political enemies.And as a federal judge in an opinion peppered with 18 Trumpian exclamation marks halted construction of his big beautiful ballroom without Congressional approval, Trump was quick to declare, “He is WRONG!”Even as he appealed the judge’s ruling, a federal panel packed with Trump allies voted 8-1 to grant the project with a “massive military complex under the ballroom,” its final sign-off.“When completed, it will be the Greatest and Most Beautiful Ballroom of its kind anywhere in the World, and a fabulous complement to our Beautiful and Storied White House!” he declared.He later posted an AI generated video unveiling his vision of his future presidential library in downtown Miami complete with a golden escalator and two gold statues of himself. The skyscraper with a red, white and blue spire shows “TRUMP” emblazoned in gold letters across the front of the building above an American flag.But Trump wasn’t the only one outlining his vision. Guerrilla artists presented their own take on his turbulent rule with one artist displaying a statue of Trump holding a golden dome — a reference to his “Golden Dome” project — like an umbrella with missiles flying on the National Mall.And in a faux tribute to Trump renovations to the White House, guerrilla art group ‘The Secret Handshake’ installed a large throne with a golden toilet on the National Mall. Styled to look like marble and gold, the throne features a toilet instead of a seat and a plaque that reads, “A Throne Fit for a King.”“In a time of unprecedented division, escalating conflict, and economic turmoil, President Trump focused on what truly mattered: remodeling the Lincoln bathroom in the White House,” reads a plaque on the throne. “It stands as a tribute to an unwavering visionary who looked down, saw a problem and painted it gold.” — Just the thing to moon the mooner!(By arrangement with The American Bazaar)