Why do some people always get gifts? A former spy reveals the psychology behind getting everything without ever having to ask

We all know that one friend who never seems to ask for anything, yet somehow ends up getting lots of gifts: the exact bag, necklace, and everything she wants. Meanwhile, you’ve been dropping hints, sharing wish lists, and still end up with nothing.

So what’s her secret? Aliia Roza, a former Russian citizen who claims to be an ex-spy, reveals the real psychology behind how that friend gets exactly what she wants, and it has nothing to do with luck.In a podcast with Raavya Sarda, the former intelligence officer breaks down exactly how some people get the gifts they want.

Don’t ask, but plant a seed

Gifting yourself the things you like is absolutely the best thing to do, but there is something truly magical about your partner gifting them to you.

Most people ask, and that, according to Roza, outright kills the whole thing. A direct request, she says, is something ‘a man will never do’. Instead, create desire in your partner, so that the idea feels like his own by the time he acts on it. She used her own hunt for a Tiffany & Co.

piece as an example. Even before the necklace came up, she introduced her partner to the film Breakfast at Tiffany’s during a quiet evening at home. No comment on jewellery, no hint of what was coming.

Just a film.Weeks later, they passed a Tiffany billboard in Los Angeles. “I’m like, ‘Oh my God, look, the Tiffany billboard. Do you remember the film we watched together, Breakfast at Tiffany’s?’” Roza said. She told him the necklace was gorgeous: “Oh, this collection is so amazing. I love it.”Later, she came across a post of her friend wearing Tiffany earrings. She didn’t forget to mention it to her partner. She then walked past an actual Tiffany store and praised the brand again.

It looked nothing like a request. Instead, she said, “Do you remember Tiffany’s? Yeah, this is the best brand, Tiffany. Yeah, I love it so much.”The gift arrived on its own, Roza said. She calls it the ‘Tiffany manipulation’. This pattern of repeated, low-pressure exposure apparently makes someone else believe the idea originated with them.

Not really persuasion

Roza calls this emotional intelligence rather than deception. According to her, most partners, especially men, respond better to inspiration than instruction.Will this ‘not-really manipulation’ trick work on everyone? Well, that depends on the person. But the core idea taps into something real about how people process suggestions. When a person is repeatedly exposed to an idea, especially one that feels self-generated, it tends to stick harder than a direct ask ever could. Think about it: the entire advertising industry has been built on that same principle. You can call it strategy, manipulation, or just knowing your audience, but this approach works for some.

Getting what you want without asking, it turns out, might just mean asking in a language the other person doesn’t notice they’re hearing.