'Monkey-barring’, the concerning new dating trend which shows how commitment is being redefined

Some people never seem to be single. The moment one relationship ends, they’re already in another, so quickly that it’s obvious there was overlap. Dating experts now have a term for this behavior: monkey-barring.

And while it may sound playful, the reality behind it is anything but.

What exactly is 'Monkey-barring'?

Monkey-barring is when someone holds onto their current relationship while building a new connection on the side—only to “swing” to that new partner when they’re ready to leave. The term comes from the idea of not letting go of one bar until you’ve got a firm grip on the next.A Redditor described it a decade ago as: “where you don’t let go of one [significant other] until you’ve got your hands on the next one.”

Why people do it

At the heart of monkey-barring is fear—fear of being alone, fear of starting over, fear of emptiness. Instead of ending a relationship cleanly, people line up a safety net.Sometimes it also comes from emotional detachment. A person may have mentally checked out months—or even years—before they officially break things off. They might have given warnings, had difficult conversations, or voiced their frustrations without change.

Meeting someone new can give them the final push to leave.

Is it cheating?

Whether monkey-barring “counts” as cheating depends on who you ask. But it almost always involves deception. The current partner is misled into believing the relationship is intact, while in reality, the other person is already halfway out the door.This makes it not only unfair to the partner being left behind but also to the new partner—especially if they don’t know the full story.

In both cases, trust is compromised before the new relationship even begins.

Further, 'monkey-barring' damages everyone involved.The current partner is emotionally invested in a relationship that has already ended in the other person’s mind.The new partner may be entering a relationship built on dishonesty.The person doing the monkey-barring avoids being alone but also avoids personal growth that comes with independence and self-reflection.