Not just tired—exhausted: The invisible weight mothers carry to work​​

Motherhood is often framed as life’s highest calling; a journey of joy, purpose and infinite love. But beneath that glossy narrative lies a more complex reality, one that countless Indian working mothers grapple with in silence: the persistent, gnawing burden of guilt.Not occasional regret. Not fleeting self-doubt. But a chronic emotional weight, one that tugs at them during business meetings, haunts them during late-night feeds and shadows every choice that dares to prioritise their ambition, well-being or rest.

The hidden toll of ‘mom guilt’

In India, ‘mom guilt’ is not a private emotion; it’s a structural issue with sweeping implications. While social norms, policies and workplaces have evolved, expectations around motherhood have not.

Women are still expected to be the default caregivers, emotional regulators and domestic anchors, all while excelling professionally in a hyper-competitive economy.A 2018 report by Ashoka University titled The Predicament of Returning Mothers starkly reveals this tension: nearly 50% of Indian women exit the workforce by age 30, predominantly to take on caregiving duties. Of those who return, almost half leave again within four months.

The reasons are rarely just logistical. They are deeply emotional.It’s not just about missing a parent-teacher meeting or outsourcing a home-cooked meal. It’s about the inner narrative many mothers internalize, that their worth as parents is measured by sacrifice and that personal ambition is somehow a betrayal of their children.

What guilt does to the body and the brain

As a paediatric lifestyle medicine specialist, I witness firsthand how this emotional conflict translates into physical consequences.

‘Mom guilt’ is not merely a psychological burden, it is a physiological stressor. Chronic cortisol elevation from sustained guilt is linked to insulin resistance, hypertension and immune dysfunction. Sleep debt, often incurred by trying to “catch up” after caregiving hours, impairs memory, focus and decision-making, essential for both parenting and professional roles.

Emotional depletion, left unaddressed, morphs into anxiety, burnout and even mental health conditions which affect not just the mother, but the home ecosystem around her.

Self-neglect, in the form of skipped meals, sedentary days or lack of mental rest, becomes normalized (even praised) in cultures that equate good parenting with martyrdom.

A leak in the leadership pipeline

This internalized guilt doesn’t just rob mothers of their vitality; it quietly erodes our workforce. Women decline promotions, sidestep leadership roles or walk away from careers altogether, not because they lack ambition or ability, but because the cost of “doing it all” feels unsustainable.

This is the invisible attrition few corporate diversity reports capture a drain of talent, insight and institutional memory.

When we lose working mothers to burnout, we lose future CEOs, educators, researchers, entrepreneurs and the generational ripple effects are enormous.It’s not just a gender equity issue. It’s an economic one.

Rewriting the system, not only supporting women within it

If we are serious about inclusive growth and sustainable work cultures, the time has come to shift the conversation from individual resilience to systemic reform.

Working mothers don’t need more platitudes about “having it all.” They need ecosystems designed for human well-being.

Here’s where to begin:

Flexible Work Models: Normalize hybrid schedules, re-entry support after maternity and adaptable hours, without career penalties.Mental Health Integration: Make access to therapy, peer support and emotional literacy part of workplace wellness not an afterthought.Equitable Parenting Norms: Mandate and encourage paternity leave.

Visibly champion male caregivers in leadership. Shared parenting must become cultural currency.Lifestyle-Centric Workplaces: Embed movement breaks, healthy food options and rest practices into the rhythm of professional life not as perks, but as principles.

Redefining the “Good Mother”

The cultural script of motherhood needs an urgent rewrite. A good mother is not the one who burns out quietly in service of her family. She is the one who models wholeness, emotional presence and vitality.

Self-care is not selfish. Boundaries are not failures. Ambition is not incompatible with nurturing.As long as we continue to valorise maternal sacrifice over maternal strength, we will continue to lose women; from boardrooms, from healthcare systems, from innovation pipelines and from the centre of their own lives.It’s time we stopped asking mothers to bend more and started asking our systems to bend with them. Because when mothers thrive, families flourish. And when families flourish, so does society.Dr. Michelle Shah, Paediatric Lifestyle Medicine Specialist