When Warren Buffett told his daughter, “go to the bank”: What every parent can learn about money and independence

Even the world’s richest parents face common family moments. One such moment for billionaire investor Warren Buffett came when his daughter asked him for money. The answer he gave was simple and striking.

It has since become a lesson many parents talk about, not for the amount of money involved, but for the message it sent about responsibility, fairness, and self-reliance.

When Susan Buffett needed about $41,000 to remodel her kitchen after the birth of her child, she turned to her father. At first, it seems like a normal family ask. After all, who wouldn’t want a bit of help when making room for a growing family? But what came next was anything but ordinary. “Go to the bank like everyone else”Warren Buffett didn’t open his checkbook. Instead he asked one line:“Why not go to the bank?”This wasn’t a flippant comment. It was packed with intent. Buffett meant that his daughter should learn to solve financial needs on her own terms, just as millions of people do every day. This response was rooted in his broader belief that unearned advantages, even for loved ones, can erode a person’s drive and confidence.

Buffett once compared giving money to his children without earning it to handing someone a starting quarterback spot just because his father once played there. In his view, that wouldn’t be fair to the player or the team. Susan later shared that she did struggle with the answer at first, surprised that her request would be turned down even as a loan. But over time, she saw it differently. She understood the lesson was about standing on her own feet, not about money.

What happened next?

Susan did get her kitchen. Her mother noticed how cramped the house was and took action to help. This part of the story shows that caring parents can support their kids in ways that don’t undermine independence or the lessons parents want to teach. Buffett’s choice wasn’t about being stingy. It reflected a lifelong belief that money is a tool, not a shortcut. He and his late wife raised their children with normal experiences and expectations, not luxury lifestyles just because wealth was there. Susan later said she agreed with her father’s philosophy: “He gets a bad rap,” she explained. To her, the lesson was valuable and shaped how she approaches life and giving.

What this means for parents

This story resonates because it echoes a common parenting dilemma: when to help and when to let children figure things out. Buffett’s approach suggests that:

These insights can help families navigate both everyday needs and bigger life lessons.Disclaimer: This article is based on publicly available information from credible news sources and documented interviews. Facts about the Buffett family and the kitchen story are drawn from verified reports; interpretation focuses on general lessons and does not provide personal financial advice.