Getting married? 2 red flags you should never ignore, according to a divorce lawyer

You are probably planning to pop the question. Or getting your wedding gown ready. Things are moving at lightning speed. You are excited and also anxious. The wedding day is around the corner.

But before you walk down the aisle, it's worth taking a hard look at your partner. Ditch those rose-tinted glasses and look with your honest eyes instead. According to James J. Sexton, a New York-based divorce attorney, there are two red flags that you should never ignore.

The number one red flag: Substance use

In the initial stages of romance, when dopamine and oxytocin run high, you hardly see any red flags. You might walk past it, and yet, never realise. During a conversation on the Question Everything podcast, Sexton spoke about a red flag that no one should miss.

According to him, you should take this red flag seriously because it can lead to a cascade of problems in the future. What is the red flag? Substance abuse. “I honestly have to say the number one red flag in my experience would be people who have substance use issues. Substance use is usually emblematic of other significant mental health issues or interpersonal issues that a person might have. And if a person has mild substance use issues, very often that can metastasize into something much more extreme,” he explained.

The second red flag: Trouble apologizing

The divorce lawyer also warned about another red flag: being incapable of apologizing. “I think you can tell a lot about a person by the way they apologize. I think you should listen when someone apologizes because if they're prone to what I like to call a bullsh*t apology, which is, you know, ‘I'm sorry you were so upset by what happened,’” he said. Apologies that are not genuine will only worsen the situation. In romantic relationships, there will be occasions when apologizing is crucial.

If your partner is not capable of that, it will build distance.

So, how do you really apologise? According to the NYC divorce attorney, the right apology should come right from the heart. “The best apology is: ‘I know what I did that upset you. I shouldn't have done that, and I'm really sorry that I did, and if I had the chance to do it again, I would do it differently.’ That's an A-plus apology,” he said. A healthy marriage is built on trust, communication, and the ability to repair mistakes when they happen. So, if your partner is incapable of that, how will you go forward? People don’t just change. Ensure, you don’t overlook these two red flags.