5 ways to stop taking things personally

We’ve all been there. Spending minutes, sometimes hours, writing the perfect message, only to receive a brief 'K' in response. Or when your best friend leaves you hanging before an important meeting.

The boss who has been 'go-girl'-ing you all week suddenly avoids eye contact. Or when your partner calls a friend for help with something you’ve always been the one to handle.Before you know it, your brain starts to spiral: What did I do wrong? Is it me? Am I too much? But here’s something no one told you: Stop taking everything personally. Dial it down. But how? Here are five ways to stop taking things personally, starting today.

Let’s go.

Remember, it’s not about you

Think about it. Not everything is about you. It may sound insulting, but the world is not revolving around you. When someone is cold, dismissive, or short with you, it could be something internal. Maybe they read your message while getting onto the metro. Your friend might have bumped into someone during the commute and, in the middle of the conversation, wanted to send a quick message instead of leaving you on read.

Maybe they are just having a weird Tuesday! You don’t have to take everything personally.

Ask before you assume

It is easy to make assumptions. But this time, ask. Oftentimes, we fill in gaps with our worst fears and end up feeling hurt. Your boss didn’t make eye contact. It is easy to assume that they are annoyed with you. But it could be something else. Maybe his doctor’s appointment was pushed to this very afternoon, and he is wondering how to get there on time.The simple fix is to ask. Just ask! Ask him, “Hey, everything okay?” Chances are, you will most likely hear, “Oh gosh, sorry, I’ve just been completely swamped.”

Pause before you react

Your first reaction may not necessarily be your best one. When something hits a nerve, emotions are riding high, and your nervous system fires before your rational brain gets a word in. And it’s normal. But the key is to understand that and dial it down. When something feels personal, take a 10-second pause.

Take a deep breath, get yourself a glass of water. Give it a second. You will find the sudden urge to react dissolve, and your rational brain takes control.

Reacting in the heat of the moment isn’t really the best approach.

Reframe feedback: It’s about actions, not your identity

When someone criticizes you, it is not about your identity. Yes, it’s true—most of us may think so. But that’s not the case. Though it can feel like an attack on you, it could just be about something else.

When your team lead says, “This report needs more detail,” do not translate it to “You are incompetent.” Because it’s not. Your project simply needs some more work. Do it.

Choose your battles wisely

Life is too short to waste time on unimportant things. Not everything deserves your time and energy. Not every comment, opinion, or remark deserves your attention. So pick your battles wisely. Let the small things slide. You are not being a pushover by doing this. It is simply the right thing to do. Ask yourself: Will this matter to me in the next five days? If the answer is “No,” leave it and move forward. You’ve got better things to do.