What is ‘Future-faking’ in a relationship?

Before you assume it is yet another dating trend, let’s stop you right there. It’s not, but something far more insidious. You may want to nip it in the bud before it takes a toll on your life.

Future-faking. It is far more cruel than it sounds. Future-faking is a growing trend in relationships. It may leave you feeling confused, heartbroken, and even questioning your own instincts. It’s very real and surprisingly common.

What exactly is ‘Future-faking’?

Future-faking is when your partner makes false promises to control you in the present. They may paint a vivid picture of a shared future with you—buying an apartment together, holidaying, building a life that is worth sharing—but with no intention of following through.

Well, that’s not the worst part. These are not idle daydreams. They are intentional—intentional false promises meant to control you in the present.You won’t realize it until it’s too late. Every time you ask your partner about these plans, you are met with disappointment. They may throw out an excuse, delay things, or sometimes even punish you. This narcissistic behavior is a form of manipulation. They give you hope.

They use your desire for commitment and stability as leverage. And when these promises do not bear fruit, you will be blamed. You will be called ‘sensitive’ or ‘difficult.

’ Moving in together would have been possible if you weren’t this ‘desperate’ and ‘nagging’ about it all the time!

How to identify ‘Future-faking’?

Recognizing narcissistic behavior should have been a full-blown career because it is not easy. In romantic relationships, it often stays hidden beneath the surface.

But identifying future-faking is crucial. Here are some tips that may help.Big promises, no follow-through: Your partner may plan an exciting trip to Paris when you are still in the beginning stages of the relationship. This ‘plan’ will be followed by “When we move in together…” or “Our kids would love this.” But when you remind them, you are given excuses.Vague timelines that keep shifting: Their plans are not time-bound. There is no day, month, or year mentioned.

It’s more like ‘one day we will…,’ or ‘soon,’ or ‘once things settle.’Words and actions don’t align: Most of these narcissists are all talk and no action. More importantly, they hardly keep their word. Instead, they offer excuses: ‘I’ll change,’ or ‘I’ll stop,’ or ‘I’ll try.’They make promises when in trouble: They are experts at making promises, especially when they are at fault. If you catch them lying or cheating, the conversations about the ‘amazing future’ will start flowing.Their ‘future’ is mostly about their needs: They are more focused on what they want and get out of the relationship. This could be money, lifestyle, status, image, or sex.Identifying these signs early is crucial. Also, trust your gut. You may feel that something’s off. In most relationships, it is important to stay in the present. Look at how your partner is treating you now. The future can wait.