Working parents and the myth of ‘quality time’; Here’s how parents manage work while giving time to their kids

For years, working parents have been offered a comforting tale, “even if you can’t be around much, it’s the quality time that counts.” A well-thought-out Saturday activity, an in-depth bed-time talk, or an excursion will compensate for hours devoted to career-building pursuits.

The notion is soothing, particularly in a world in which economic necessity frequently demands the use of two incomes or many work hours per day and per year.Yet, behind its good intentions, the idea of “quality time” has quietly slid into the realm of myth. And not because it is not important to have significant moments with children, but rather because the term simplifies the process of parenting, puts the blame on the parent, or is misguided about the needs children are trying to fulfill in order to be secure.The concept of quality time The concept of "quality time" became very popular during a time when more parents, especially mothers, began working outside the home during the latter part of the twentieth century. It was a mental balm that allowed parents to have careers while knowing that they could raise wonderful children if they spent "quality time" with them.When it comes to working parents, the idea of quality time quickly becomes a problem.

After the daily struggles of meeting deadlines, commuting, and mental exhaustion, the need to connect takes over. Such an attitude breeds guilt. If a child is emotionally or academically troubled, parents end up questioning their own effectiveness: “Am I not purposeful enough? Have I squandered our time together?” The real issue is not with the parent but with the mistaken belief that a high level of connectivity can be secured on demand.What children actually needThey certainly don’t experience time in the ways that adults do. They can’t recall a beautifully assembled afternoon or an extravagant outing. They take in, instead, something much more subdued, something very common: availability.It is consistency that is more important than intensity. If the parent is always there, even in non-noteworthy ways, this conveys the message that availability is not dependent upon providing entertainment or peak experiences.Another aspect that should not remain unnamed is the underlying problem of the quality time story disregarding economic fact. Many parents are not working long hours to fulfill their own personal needs anymore but to provide. The increasing cost of living expenses combined with unstable markets make this a fact of life.The added message that parents must “make the most” of their free time is not only a burden to parents who are already tired, it too individualizes what is likely a systemic issue. Simply because parents may not have systemic solutions available to them does not mean they should not have to “make the most” out of what little time they get for their children and their children aloneRethinking what "good parenting" meansForgetting the quality time myth doesn't have to mean giving up on connection; it just means redoing the definition. Good parenting is not done by manufacturing perfect moments of images. Good parenting is about being reachably imperfect and human. It's showing him what life as an adult entails-work, tiredness, responsibility, recovery-and modeling for him ways to live in it honestly. When kids see parents working hard but showing up in ordinary ways, they learn resilience, realism, and empathy.

They learn that love is not a performance, but a presence.